Is it me? No it's him! Right?

There is a very old Saturday Night Live skit in the late 80's with Martin Short. It was a spoof on 60 minutes and he played this smarmy "bad" toy maker executive. One of the toys was a bag of broken glass. When questioned by the 60 minutes guy about the safety of such a toy,  he'd look straight at the camera and say "Is it me? No it's him".....cigarette all akimbo and shaking between his fingers.  Well..I've thought long and hard over an incident that happened on Friday all weekend..questioned even blogging about it....but well... here goes.

I subbed the Friday noon yoga class at the studio. There is this particular student who comes to the Friday class week after week ..and......well.....from what I've seen when I sub or take the Friday class,  let's just say he is NOT good at "listening" to his body. He will push, and strain, and grunt, and actually turn odd colors of purple and blue trying to do the hardest level of a pose offered. And he's an older man.  Think older in your mind, and then add another 10 years. Then add some chronic overuse injuries on top of that. Yes. That's about right. Now having said that I know we ALL resonate with different teachers, different styles, different approaches to yoga. That is what makes the world go round. But instead of acknowledging the fact I was subbing that day, admitting it was not what he was expecting and leaving it at that, he chose to attack me and my style of teaching as he signed in for class. It's one thing to say "Oh I didn't know you were teaching today, I was expecting the regular teacher"..... it's an entirely different thing to say "You should focus more on the postures and less on that flow thing that you do".   ((( gulp )))

Since he was the first student checking in and the studio was empty, at first I remained very calm and very level headed. I explained that yes I was filling in that day and that I appreciated how my style might not be everyone's cup of tea, but that asking me to teach a different way than I am used to was asking me to be somebody that I am not. He then got very aggressive and then sadly..it went horribly downhill from there. He accused *me* of being combative and defensive, I explained to him how I felt attacked and criticized by his comments, I took the high road and apologized and suggested we just start over from square one and he told me how he hated confrontation and conflict and that he would not be able to stay for class. Then he rolled up his mat....and left.

At last weekend's couple workshop I learned that it is MUCH harder to take on yourself than it is to take on the other person. In effect, I believe this student picked an argument with me in order to create a reason for him to leave, rather than accepting the fact that he doesn't like my class and perhaps that feeling alone,  might be enough in itself for him not to stay. Instead...he created this drama. And we both come away from it feeling pretty horrible. Is it me? Wait..no it's him? Right?